


I can't replace you with a million rings

by angelica_barnes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Cheating, Falling In Love, Multi, falling back into each other, figuring out their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 04:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14465166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelica_barnes/pseuds/angelica_barnes
Summary: Niall falls in love with a girl named Esme, and she falls in love with him, until suddenly he's put in a band called One Direction and while his four best friends fall in love with each other, he still falls for the one that got away.But he moves on. He finds Faith, who is pretty and smart and sweet and excited like him, and he thinks he just might love her.And then he meets her best friend.





	I can't replace you with a million rings

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "The One That Got Away" by Katy Perry
> 
> based off :
> 
> Love Story - Katherine McPhee  
> Classic - MKTO  
> All Of Me - John Legend

Niall doesn’t really remember the first time he laid eyes on Esme Forest. 

Okay, that’s a lie. He remembers everything.

It was a Wednesday. He was late to class, nothing new, but he can recall that Esme was always earliest. One of the things he loves about her, really.

He dropped his pencil, and she picked it up and handed it over, kind green eyes and long spindly fingers and the prettiest smile Niall had ever seen, and he was gone.

Two seconds flat, and he was head over heels in love. 

 

 

-

 

He used to thank his lucky stars that he tripped and dumped his lunch on her a year later, after too many days of daydreaming about her soft lush lips on his. Because she had just smiled.

And of course, then he had to go and ask if he could sit with her, and she had laughed; “Yeah, of course you can.”

Niall’s never been the smoothest with the ladies, as you could probably tell. But he bumped his knee against hers under the table, and she did the same, and then she kissed his cheek as she said goodbye.

He was stuck in a daze for the rest of the day, and then he went home and promptly fell asleep on his couch; he dreamt of girls with long dark curls and pretty white smiles.

 

 

-

 

“Hey.”

She’d asked him out on a Thursday; he turned nervously and closed his locker, swallowing. “Hey.”

Esme grinned, the stars in her eyes way too bright for someone like him, and she bit her lip and blushed. “Wanna go out with me? Like, on a date? Tomorrow at the carnival? And I can pick you up, maybe, at ten - oh, wait, uh…”

He’d blushed too, though slightly less pink, and he nodded shyly; “I’d like that.”

She opened her mouth to say something, and then thought better of it; she kissed his cheek and practically sprinted down the hall.

 

 

-

 

The date was the best one of his life; funny enough, it was also the worst. He kept tripping, and he spilled about a dozen foods on her, but then he won her a rainbow teddy bear and she slung an arm around his neck, kissing him.

“I love it,” she’d said, and then she’d taken his hand and pulled him to the ferris wheel; they spent three hours riding it again and again, until the sun set and they got stuck. She kissed him again when he whimpered something about being afraid of the dark.

“We’re gonna be okay,” she murmured, and then the ride jolted and begin to spin, and Niall put his feet on the ground. His legs were shaking, but Esme supported him, and then he finally had the guts to be the one to kiss her, and she laughed against his lips.

“I had a good time,” he said breathlessly, and Esme grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt to pull him down for another kiss.

“I like you,” she panted. “Call me.”

And he did. The very same night.

 

 

-

 

Three dates later and neither of them had asked; Esme approached him at his locker, “Look.”

He turned, nervously, and she took his hand and started rubbing circles on the back of his palm with her thumb; “Maybe this isn’t working out.”

Niall started shaking his head, but she put a finger to his lips; “I really like you. I like your kisses, I like your laugh, and I like your eyes. But…”

Then she dropped his hand and began to walk away; he chased her down the hall and jumped in front of her. She stopped abruptly, breath taken away, and he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.

She dropped her binders and kissed him back, pulling him closer by his belt loops, and he broke away just enough to whisper; “Girlfriend?”

Esme grinned, and kissed him again, and whispered, “Boyfriend.”

 

 

-

 

“Come over to my house after school?” She mumbled against his lips, and he hummed.

“Of course, baby.”

She smiled, and pecked him one last time before disappearing into a classroom; Niall stuffed his hands in his pockets and sighed dreamily, walking down the hall.

Later on, they were watching a movie, and suddenly she flung her leg over his, straddling him. She took his face in her hands and he put his fingers on her thighs; she kissed him.

“I love you,” he whispered breathlessly as she traced her tongue over his lip; she chuckled into his mouth.

“I love you too,” she said, and then he lay back on the couch and let her take the lead; she began to press open-mouthed kisses to his neck and he panted and whimpered every once in awhile. His hands slipped lower, lower on her back until she reached back to place them back on her hips.

“Not tonight, love,” she murmured. “You’re not ready.”

He didn’t ask what she meant; he didn’t argue. Instead he kissed her again; “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

 

 

-

 

‘Tonight’ came another day. In the morning after, he woke up under clean white sheets with the golden sun’s rays slipping through the open blinds, and he smiled as he lightly touched Esme’s shoulder.

She murmured something like, “Five more minutes,” and he chuckled huskily, admiring how beautiful she was, alone in her own skin. “Mmm,” he said, shifting closer to wrap his arms around her and kiss her hair. “I’m afraid we’ve gotta get to school, love.”

She opened one eye and smiled, small and soft but so beautiful and happy, and then he leaned down to kiss her lips. She hummed against them.

“Fine!” She groaned, sitting up and wincing as her back cracked; she stretched. He just looked, and took in all her beauty;  _ that’s mine,  _ he thought, and  _ she’s mine _ . She turned back to him and leaned against his chest, soft pale skin resting on roughness, and he used his finger to trace light circles on her back. She hummed a song and mumbled a few of the words, and he pressed occasional kisses to her head.

“We do have to go, you know,” he murmured, and she turned her body towards him a little bit, just to lift a hand a gently pull his head towards her so she could nibble the skin on his neck. 

“No, we don’t,” she murmured. “No, we could stay here. Just you and me, baby.”

Niall turned himself so he was facing her and sifted a hand through her curls, getting them tangled up in his fingers. He pulled her closer and kissed her lips; “I’m in love with you, aren’t I, princess?”

She giggled and kissed him back, her own hand curled around the side of his neck and nestled between his shoulder and the pillows; “But I love you too, leprechaun.”

 

 

-

 

“I’m so nervous,” Niall admitted, whispering to her, and she kissed him quickly before pushing him gently towards the stage. 

“You’re gonna do great. I love you, baby.”

He sent her a small smile before stepping out into the lights… the rest if something he’ll never forget and also a blur. He remembers, now, when he walked backstage and she jumped into his arms, kissing him with everything she had.

“You were amazing,” she told him, with stars in her eyes, and he flashed her a crooked smile as he went in to kiss her again.

“Thanks, princess,” he said softly, and then they turned to watch the boy who went after Niall; Zayn, was his name. When his audition was over, he ran straight into another contestant’s arms; Liam, maybe?

They kissed, sweet and slow, and Niall turned and kissed Esme the same way. “They look in love,” he murmured, and she laughed quietly, hanging her arms around his neck. 

“Yeah,” she said. “They look like us.”

 

 

-

 

It was a month later when he was sent home; Esme took one look into his broken-hearted eyes and kissed him, licking away the salt of his tears on their lips. “It’s gonna be okay,” she said. “You’re gonna make it someday, I know it.”

And the two boys, Zayn and Liam, they were in each other’s arms, crying and trying to hide it, to be strong for the other; a microphone crackled and suddenly Niall looked up, accompanied by four other boys, and they were taken back to the stage.

Zayn was holding tight to Liam’s hand, and the other two were a lad named Harry and another named Louis. They kept glancing at each other, but Niall was too afraid to notice.

“We’ve decided to put you in a group,” the oldest judge said, Simon, and Harry and Louis leapt into one another’s arms while Zayn dragged his hands down his face; Liam and he were wandering slowly towards each other. Niall joined the hug that Harry started, and then he ran back to Esme to tell her the news.

Of course, not without a soft goodbye to the boys, who had sparkles in their eyes; looking back on it now, he knows they already loved him.

 

 

-

 

A few more months, and he was thrown into the heat of things. The boys and he were everything to each other now; Esme was still his world. She kissed him when she could, and called him when she could, and things were going alright. He was sixteen, and he’d already found the love of his life - he soon learned that that wasn’t all that uncommon in their group, because  _ HarryandLouis _ and  _ ZaynandLiam _ .

And maybe he should’ve tried harder to hold on, he thinks now. But he didn’t, and it’s all over; the past is past.

But he remembers it, god, he does. He remembers it all.

“What are you saying?” Esme had said, lip quivering with tears in her eyes, and Niall reached towards her but she pulled away. “What are you  _ saying _ , Ni?”

He sighed. “I’m saying that I think it’d be best if we didn’t continue this anymore. We’re going on tour, Esme, and we’ve got a record deal! I can’t throw this away, you know that!”

She started crying, but withheld the sobs until he lowered his voice to a whisper; “But I love you, princess.”

She screamed; “Don’t say that! You’re breaking up with me, you can’t say that!”

And then she broke down, shoving him out of her room, and suddenly he was on the other side of the door, listening to her shake through the white wood.

“I love you,” he murmured, “I love you,” but he left.

 

 

-

 

And so he moved on. (Not really, but you know.)

It turned out not to be too hard, stealing the spot of number one, because they were cute and young and naive and there were lots of girls, waiting outside the gates. And so they piled into the bus, divvying up the beds and left two free because of course Zayn and Liam shared, and so did Haz and Lou.

“Have you got a somebody?” Harry asked innocently, and Niall shook his head with a sad smile playing about his lips.

“Used to. Broke up with her just a few months ago, actually. Right before the tour started…”

“That girl we saw you with,” Zayn said, nestled in Liam’s side and enveloped in the younger’s arms. “On audition day.”

Niall nodded; “That’s the one.”

“First love, huh?” Liam said softly, and Niall shrugged, turning to look out the window. “Hey,” Niall looked back at them, “let’s watch a movie and get your mind off her, then?”

And he smiled, not quite happy but better than before, and he nodded. “Yes please,” he said, and the boys wrapped their arms around him and played with his hair and Louis made crude jokes while Harry shushed him and Niall felt, okay.

Just okay, but okay.

 

 

-

 

And now we reach this point. The present. (Doesn’t feel like a gift to him.)

He’s sitting at the groomsmen table, watching with a drink in hand as Harry and Louis take the floor for their first dance, and it’s been three years since he’s seen the love of his life. 

He takes a sip of the alcohol someone slipped him, and it tastes tangy and slightly bitter. His lips quirk into a small smile when he sees Harry and Louis whispering things to each other on the dance floor, because even  _ Louis _ has tears in his eyes. And of course they drag Zayn and Liam out next, who both blush and look at their feet before Liam offers Zayn his hand and they dance across the floor, with so much more grace than Harry and Louis, of course.

And Niall’s alone, as always, until Taylor grabs his hand and pulls him towards the middle, twirling him and they laugh and the fantasy of marrying Esme almost disappears from his mind until Taylor is whisked away by Ed, and Niall finds himself standing by alone.

Of course his boys pull him into their arms, and they’re all stumbling around in some sort of five-person jig, and Niall laughs and spins over to Zayn, dipping him, and then Liam takes Niall and twirls him towards Harry, and so he dances in the middle of the newlyweds for a little while.

It feels wonderful, not just okay, but this is the moment that he realizes that he’s never going to forget about her.

 

 

-

 

“Her name was Esme,” Niall says softly, and four sets of eyes turn towards him. He cracks a small smile, though the stars in his eyes are sad, so unlike Esme’s so long ago.

“Your girl?” Liam asks, equally quiet, and leave it to Liam to remember after three and a half years. Niall loves him, and the rest of ‘em.

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “I called her princess. She was my first everything, my highschool sweetheart… basically the Harry to my Louis and the Liam to my Zayn. I loved her… Love her.”

Liam nods, and Harry and Louis look like they’re going to melt into one another, they’ve gotten so close. Zayn leans even more into Liam - is that possible? - and smiles love drunkenly.

“Love like that never fades, huh?” He breathes, and Niall nods, but not without a sad smile.

“I’m never gonna find somebody else,” he confesses, so softly that he’s not sure they hear. (They do.)

Maybe that’s why they don’t argue with him.

 

 

-

 

The boys are enough for him, really. Really. He loves them like they’re the brothers he never had, and he would rather spend the next million years with their insufferable pranks and loud nights and inconsideracy than without. 

But he misses Esme, and sweet slow nights and picture perfects and I love you’s mumbled against lips. And he misses when the daydreams were closest to reality, when he had the possibility of proposing to her and marrying her and having a family with her, and sometimes he thinks he’d give up all this stardom just to have a white picket fence with her standing by the door.

(Mostly, not sometimes.)

It’s not that he hasn’t tried, y’know, to move on. He’s been with a few girls, danced with even more, and slept with… none. But still, he’s kissed quite a few. 

And they always let him go, with the gentlest of words, telling him that he doesn’t love them and that’s okay… because really, he’s earned some wonderful friendships and also learned some lessons.

He asks Zayn, who is actually, unbelievably, more of an expert on love than Harry, if he thinks Niall will ever find somebody else. Truthfully, he’s not exactly sure what he wants to hear as an answer. And Zayn hums, nodding towards the ceiling thoughtfully, and he fingers with his engagement ring, and then he shakes his head.

“No,” he says softly, taking Niall’s hands in his own and squeezing, “you’ll never love another like you loved her. Love her.”

And Niall laughs at the repetition, and Zayn kisses his cheek. (Liam lets it slide, though with a glare.)

 

 

-

 

“I miss her,” Niall admits, on a movie night, and Louis draws him closer. They’re used to it by now, and ever there for him, because Niall tends to have these breakdowns over Esme. He’ll suddenly remember that she’s not there, and things will fall apart. Firstly, his facial expression; lastly, his heart.

“We know,” Harry says softly, leaning down to press a kiss to Niall’s hair; four years, now, that she’s been gone, and Niall’s still as in love with her as day one.

“I just want her to love me,” he whispers, his voice breaking, “I just want her to love me like I love her.”

And the boys wrap themselves around him, letting him cry and whimper and retell stories of he and Esme’s good ol’ days, and they kiss his skin and say it’ll be okay.

(And soon, maybe it will be.) (They’re trying.)

 

 

-

 

And then.

And then Niall brings home a girl named Faith Evans, and he  _ smiles _ . I mean, he’s done that, for real, but never with a  _ girl _ . Not since Esme. And so the boys ask him who she is, and he laughs and answers that she’s his girlfriend. And he doesn’t say he loves her; “I really like her.”

They nod, but they’re worried; Zayn tugs on Liam’s sleeve and leads him out of the room to talk, about their baby brother’s choices. And maybe kiss a little bit, and maybe fight until Zayn whispers that he still loves Liam and Liam will slip the engagement ring back on Zayn’s finger.

“She’s bringing her friend over,” Niall sighs, gone away to dreamland, the boys share a look.

“Okay,” Louis says.

 

 

-

 

They know exactly who she is as soon as she walks in the door, because Niall suddenly freezes and stares, the same as her. And their eyes flash between the two for a second, the only one oblivious is Faith, and then Niall holds out a shaking hand.

“Nice to meet you,” he murmurs, and Esme nods, forcing a smile, but there’s a raw sadness in her eyes.

“Nice to meet you too,” she says, softly, and you’d think that she’d run off.

But instead she stays, and she even kisses Niall on the cheek when it’s time to say goodbye.

(Niall cries.)

 

 

-

 

“Hey, stranger,” Esme says, approaching him. He leans back against the brick wall on the one side of the alleyway, next to the club, and he cracks a small smile.

“Long time, no see.”

She nods, and grimaces a little. The awkward silence continues for a minute, and then she breaks it; “So how’ve you been?”

He almost slips up and says, “Missing you,” but luckily his brain doesn’t go straight to his mouth and he shrugs; “Y’know. I’ve been.”

She nods, the already low light in her eyes dimming; “Yeah. I’ve heard about you.”

He smiles and steps forward, just enough so they’re face to face, and a blush spreads across her cheeks; the stars in her eyes are beautiful, he thinks.

“I’ve been to a few of your concerts,” she whispers, and then a tear slips down her cheek and she wipes it away, with a wet laugh. “All of them, actually.”

Niall throws his arms around her torso, and she wraps hers around his neck, sniffling softly.

“We’re okay, right?” She asks, a slight tremor in her voice, and he laughs and squeezes her tighter. He ignores the flutter in his heart when her shampoo’s scent (strawberries and bananas) wafts up his nose.

“Of course we are,” he whispers. “How could we ever not be?”

(They’ll learn that in time.)

 

 

-

 

They’re both in a drunken haze when she pulls him in by the belt loops, just like five years ago when he was fifteen, and he kisses her, fingers tangling in her hair. So what if Faith is with the others, waiting for him?

Of course it matters, Niall’s not a cheater, but this is  _ Esme _ . The love of his life, his everything, his highschool sweetheart that he’s spent half a decade missing.

So screw rules, he thinks, if only for tonight.

Niall pulls her to the bedroom, and they kiss and touch and go places that neither has been in years, and in the end, Esme pulls away and collapses onto the bed beside him.

“Is too late to say I’m sorry?” She asks hoarsely, her voice soft and forced from hours of lilting moans, and Niall turns towards her and wraps her in his arms, sweaty bodies rubbing against each other.

“It’s too late for me, princess,” he whispers, and she gasps, because no one, let alone him, has called her that in… forever, really. “I should be the one who’s sorry.”

She shakes her head and kisses him; “You did what was right for you.”

This time it’s him who disagrees; he kisses her and pulls her impossibly closer. “I did what would save me in the end. I was selfish.”

“No,” she murmurs, wringing her arms around his neck and pecking his lips again, and he brushes her matted hair from her forehead. It’s too warm, but he knows he’ll be cold if he pulls away. “No,” she continues softly, “you did what you could so we could both figure out who we were. So we could both grow up.”

“After all,” she says a little while later, and they’re both nearly asleep - it never occurs to Niall that Faith might come looking for him. “We found our way back to each other, didn’t we?”

He nods wordlessly and falls to the dreams; like back in the good ol’ days, they’re about a dark-haired girl with gum-green eyes.

 

 

-

 

The next morning is awkward and wrong and feels so  _ fake _ , and when Zayn’s eyes come to rest on him, Niall knows that Zayn knows. And he whispers in Liam’s ear, and suddenly Liam knows too.

Faith is clueless, settling herself on Niall’s lap, and his eyes flick to Esme all the time. But she avoids his gaze, probably not wanting him to see the jealousy, and pain, and sadness and regret and  _ love _ in her eyes. Because then it would all be over, wouldn’t it?

And they get by.

Faith visits with Esme more often, and Niall and Esme find hotel rooms to crash in and they make love and they cry and they don’t talk as much as they used to, because then they just might give in.

There’s a line, that Faith has unknowingly drawn for them, and Niall promises.

“I’ll tell her,” he says, whispering it in her ear after a night of mewls and soft kisses and grasping hands, and Esme’s sad smile shows that she only half-believes him.

 

 

-

 

He doesn’t tell her. And they’re not okay, they’re really not, because Esme is avoiding him and he doesn’t know  _ why _ \- well, he knows why. But there’s always been a part of him that hasn’t cared.

“Come on, Esme,” Niall says quietly, a soft plea, and she whips around with her dark hair flying and forces him to stare into her crazed, beautiful eyes.

“Don’t tell me to  _ come on _ , Niall,” she hisses, and she’s  _ never _ called him by his first name, never in the six years they’ve known each other. He takes a step back and she sighs, backing down slightly.

Just a little bit.

“We’re not  _ okay _ , Ni,” she says softly, and it’s like most of the fight has gone out of her. She’s  _ tired _ , and he can tell.

So he steps forward and wraps her in his arms, and she lays her head on his shoulder as he rocks them back and forth; they’re numb, she’s numb.

“I’m not your friend, little leprechaun,” she whispers. “We’ve never been _ just friends _ , baby.”

And this time it’s him who sighs, but it’s sad and knowing; he’s heard her. He understands, and he agrees; he loves her.

“I know. I know, princess.”

 

 

-

 

“I love you,” she blurts one night, after they’ve finished until sunrise, and he smiles crookedly when she blushes. “I know it’s way too early but you said it first last time, so I thought.”

He puts a finger to her lips and then pulls it away to kiss her; “It’s long overdue, darling. I love you too.”

And she breathes out, a sigh of relief, and for once they have an easy conversation of banter and kisses and then a pillow fight, and he tackles her at the end to kiss her on the lips, hard but lovely, and Esme’s  _ crying _ .

She’s crying and laughing and he can feel his throat coughing up wet chuckles as his own tears leak out of the corner of his eyes, and he keeps brushing her hair away from her face and caressing her cheek. And she kisses him and it tastes salty, like way back when in the X-Factor days, and they can’t seem to stop.

“I love you,” she says breathlessly. “I love you, I love you, I love you -”

“I love you,” he says back, “I love you, I love you, I love you -”

And they kiss and make love and fall asleep in one another arm’s and tomorrow, tomorrow they’ll tell Faith but for tonight it’s perfect.

So, so perfect.

 

 

-

 

Faith is… better than expected, I guess.

They show up at her apartment, and Niall had thought he hid their hands pretty well, but somehow she still saw. And so she asks quietly if she can please talk to Niall alone for second.

“I’m sorry,” he says, all too loudly and sudden, but Faith just waves her hand and smiles.

“For what, darling?” She murmurs, and he starts sputtering over his words and thinking that oh, maybe she didn’t know and - she grabs his hands and steadies him.

“Calm down, hon,” she says softly. “I’ve been all around the world with you, and I can see that you love her. And that she loves you. And baby, you don’t belong with me, I’ve always known that.”

She doesn’t even look upset. She looks slightly disappointed, and worried, but still as happy as her normal self. Less hyper.

“I’m supposed to be with her, aren’t I?” Niall whispers, and Faith nods. “It’s always been her.”

Faith smiles sadly and nods again; “She’s your forever, darling,” and Niall runs back into the living room and sweeps Esme off her feet. He lifts her up and spins her around and presses her laughing smile against his in a messy kiss, and Faith watches them from the corner.

She’s smiling softly.

 

 

-

 

And things turn out alright. People end up with who they’re supposed to be with.

Faith runs off to be a bachelorette for a little while, to go crazy, and maybe figure out if a girl’s lips are nicer than a boy’s.

Harry and Louis take care of Zayn and Liam’s daughter, and Zayn and Liam get married, and this time  _ Niall’s _ the best man, and Esme is the Maid of Honor because she’s the boys’ best friend; even Taylor’s accepted her, and Ed  _ adores _ her. Like the little sister he never had.

And in the end, the boys go on tour again. After all, he can’t forget about his other four soulmates, can he? And Esme comes up on stage, one evening in Toronto, and she gets down on one knee and Niall cries when the boys sing and send him soft smiles and winks and of course he says,

_ Yes _ .

 

 

-

 

Because yes, Niall remembers exactly what he thought the first time he laid eyes on Esme Forest.

He thought,  _ This is the one that got away. _


End file.
